"Pictorial sources" or "the origin of the image" or "the wave"

22/04/25 I note down my thoughts:

"A painting is like a sound.
You can hear it, it vibrates and reaches you,
Unbothered by anything,
It slowly fades out".

This note is not necessarily because I can listen to my paintings or that they speak to me. There is nothing really "out-of-this-world" in it. They do not come with drugs, I do not use any – none of my artworks presented on my website, were created by using drugs.

I write this as of a painter but also a student of History of Art – looking for a critical theory, a good part of what can be an outcome of having the experience of both. (Because oh man, there are many heavy things to that).

Earlier I wrote that perhaps all the images (meaning paintings) already exist. This is because sometimes I do not really understand the pictorial meaning of my own painting. I can only state my own emotions and thoughts that were there while creating it. If I remember. It is not obvious. But the other side is usually a mystery.

As if they exist – they need to be found. This is an idea that is a result of my poor knowledge about crypto-currencies, which as far as I understand are like mining – "you need to find them". This idea sparked a thought – perhaps it is the same with what I create.

This idea is also somewhere rooted in the reading of "The Agony and the Ecstasy", a novel on Michaelangelo by Irving Stone. It was stated that Michelangelo looked at stoneblocks as if the sculpture was already there, picking the right marble for the next artwork of his. There is perhaps some of the mythmaking in that but...

It is nothing new that artists are picky when it comes to the material they use. Also, experience says it works like this. It is, for example the case with woodcuts. It is important to pick the right one – because of the rings, the composition of the wood material must be good.

Otherwise it would just shatter.

Usually (and in majority of cases until 2025) I sketch directly on canvas. I do not really prepare a composition study or a sketch. The "sculpting" approach. You look for the perfect curve, the perfect shape. You do not "cut out". You add more, you build upon, reshape, recompose. You explore.

Later on, especially when introducing myself to oil paint, I noticed how crucial it is to have a sketch – at least for the ease of producing the picture. But painting-wise, as a process, it is a completely different experience. Perhaps I enjoy being a little bit lost.

As the paintings exist – what brings them in? Perhaps they appear on certain occasions or under certain conditions – rather than just recurring in time, which was my initial thought, just as if they were in a spiral.

Perhaps sometimes it is indeed like a frequency, like a noise – like the one that was created by the Big Bang, meaning the origin of the Universe. Just like with anything – there is trash, there is joy and it is a matter of taste.

This led me to think that they are like sound, they last.

a – the starting of the image, composition;
b – middle stage, certain elements become unimportant or fade out;
c – the final stage, where the a is almost untraceable.

And this means three different images in three different moments in time. They might not even appear similar. Because a might mean b for someone else, or with time.

And the most important idea is that there always is a d, and many more after that. They might represent the opposite of what the a, b and c is, but wouldn't be possible without the a. As for that, they probably should not be called d, but perhaps a again.

What is a?

Anything that matters to you. To the artist. Or someone commissioning a painting.
If it doesn't matter– why would anyone make it into art?
A love story, a crime scene, emotions, violence, lovers.

Not to go into too many details, as this writing is only to initiate a spark. I looked at one of my favorite paintings – "Guernica" by Pablo Picasso and thought, how the f*ck was this image created. What caused the man to bring this to the existence. The destruction of Guernica – obviously. But visual artists think with images. And they tell stories. They exist in a context.

Now, here are couple of images that could be seen as the "wave", that I would bind with the creation of Guernica, the painting. And it is not to say "nothing new" or "oh, well, there were many before". It is to say we exist in a continuum. And as much as we can enjoy the fruits of the past, of the seed once planted – we have to deal with the diarrhea caused by the wrong ones. The previous ones (before Pablo Picasso) would never be able to make this – and it is almost possible to say at any point in time.

There is a song by Eminem "Same Song & Dance". Perhaps it is the same song, the same wave, but the floor is different. The dance depends on you, and your skills.

I do not really have any "and so..." in here. I do not know what that means. It is a sequence of images bearing a visual similarity in chronological order. Perhaps there is a deeper meaning.

We, as culture, as humanity – we tend to forget.

We are like "Secret whisper" game, where there is a starting message and the final one. If we lose sense of the original message, can we make anything real out of that? If not, we need to look back and wonder – why the f*ck are we here.

Like castles made of sand, we shatter, eventually.

And hey, yes, obviously artists make references – this is how you learn, this is how you acknowledge, this is how you respect or on the contrary – you can be critical or change the perspective.

This is how you mark your way.

To finish up, looking at the whole collection of images above I thought there's one of mine that could be the c or the d of that wave. Maybe a z to someone's a. But it was not the intention, a post factum.

What created that image? 

Emotions, confusion, a trip to a different location, sex, feeling misunderstood, feeling danger and (being) under pressure.

I wanted this to be a series of 10 paintings, same size. At the end of May I was so tired I gave up the remaining two. That was very draining, exhausting to the brain and soul. Number 9 and 10 were painted in June.

There was not much of anything in my head when painting that – I was very much in the world of Philip Guston, feeling the abuse and pain, feeling absent. 

Thinking of Normandy – the D-Day.

Because "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness". That's where I have been.
(Gotye – Somebody that I used to know).

Finally, I think that artists, and art, represent more than just beauty or themselves – they are "the mouth and tongues" of nations, social groups, and others that do not have this possibility to "verbalise with image" or "picture the meaning".

I believe that art is not just fun, where you play around with brushes – it is a responsibility. But let's not push that idea too far, please. This is how I see that. It is my kind of a burden.

Because again, there are different stages. Different needs.